Archive | March 2013

Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family ~ Part IV ~ Materialism

One of Satan’s plots is to get people’s eyes off of people and onto things. God’s plan to pass His legacy to the next generation is to have parents talk and teach His commands to their children 24/7. Satan had to come up with ways to stop people from communicating. I believe that attraction to things, two parents working, and television have been some of his greatest tools.

Before WWII, most dads went to work while the moms stayed at home to raise the family. At least one parent was at home when their children needed advice and guidance. People were happy with the basics of life. Television was just coming around; so much time was still spent interacting with the family.

When many men went away to war, women filled their spots in the workforce. When the men came back, lots of women chose to stay working. Personally, I believe that being a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs there is, yet one of the most rewarding. Many women enjoyed not having to “deal” with the kids all day and loved getting money for their work. Families liked the extra money and the things that it could buy. People could have so much more than “just” a home, food, and a decent vehicle. Now, people could have lots of extra toys like boats, pools, extravagant vacations, and the new televisions that were coming out. People started wanting bigger houses and newer cars. They could now afford to get their children in all kinds of extracurricular activities like dancing, gymnastics, and hockey (more time to separate the family).  Television did not help with the pull of materialism as commercials showed people that there was more out there that they could have. The economy was booming, money was to be made, and life “was good.” Was it really good or were we setting the family up to fall apart?

Television started to become much more popular. People began to spend hours watching television instead of talking. Television, instead of parents and other adults began talking and influencing the next generation. Do you really want your children becoming like those on TV? Today, the average American spends approximately 28 hours a week watching television. Can you imagine if families were spending that time talking about life and the issues of today?  Both parents were working to pay for all the “things” that money could buy. Parents showered the children with “things.” Parents were so caught up in buying their children things and giving them all their hearts desired that it left no one around for the children to connect to. Parents were busy working, shopping, and running their family from this activity to that activity. No time was left for children to stay connected to their parents when they needed their parents the most (when the frontal lobe where abstract thinking takes place). I suggest if you have not yet read my blog on brain development, you would do so now . Between the ages of twelve to twenty-four is when youth need adult guidance the most, yet by that age they are so disconnect from adults they turn to friends who are no better off to help them sort though the issues of life.

Did all those “things” that money had to buy bring happiness? Doesn’t look like it to me. Suicide has almost tripled since the 1960’s for youth ages 15-24. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people from 15-24, behind accidents and homicide. In Macomb, Oakland and Wayne counties, nearly 30 people younger than 18 have committed suicide since the beginning of 2012 (

I believe it is time that we reconnect with our youth! Let’s turn off the television with all its garbage and spend time once again teaching, talking, training, and playing with our children. Let’s downsize if necessary so that there is a parent there to talk to their children about the many issues they will face as a teenager and a young adult. Rather than buy your children “things,” take them out into the community to be there for those in need. Bake banana bread with your children and take it over to welcome the new neighbor in town. Go bring lunch to a shut-in. Nothing brings more joy to an elderly person than children. Give your children purpose as they watch lives touched by their generosity. Sit down and talk to your children about life. Help them see the reality of young dating, drinking parties, and premarital sex. Let’s do something to save our younger generation.

You don’t know what to say to your children or how to stay connected? The book I’ve written, Pass God’s Legacy to Your Children: One Talk at a Time, can help you with that. It helps you understand how to stay attached to your children through the turbulent years and is filled with actual talks about every subject you can think of. The book teaches you how to start teaching your children what to do with their emotions when they are very young. To order your signed copy today, go to

I also teach free classes through Building Strong Families, Inc. that help parents reconnect and/or stay connected to their children. To find out more information about the classes offered, go to

Let’s start today to be there for and make a difference in our young people lives!! They are our future.

Hebrews 13:5 let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”


Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family ~ Part III ~ “Kids Dating is Cute and Innocent”

A kid dating is not cute and innocent. Allowing children to date before they are ready to get married sets them up for failure. I hope that today’s blog will help you see why it is important to discourage dating until boys are ready to take on the responsibility of a family and girls are ready to take on the responsibilities of being a wife and very possibly a mother. In today’s blog, I will cover brain development and attachment hormones and how they relate to our youth.

If you have not read my blog, Brain Development, posted 3/24/12, now would be a good time to read it. Knowing that the frontal lobe, where critical-thinking (which helps us see the consequences to our actions) and problem-solving takes place, does not even begin to develop until between the ages of 12 to 15, we can clearly see that our youth are not ready to handle the powerful emotions that go along with a romantic relationship. Abstract, critical-thinking and problem-solving are learned skills. Until the brain has matured and children are taught how to think past the moment, they will respond according to their emotions. Many adults still respond to their emotions because they were never taught the purpose of emotions and what to do with them. (For more information on emotions, feel free to read the blogs I’ve written concerning emotions)

We can see that children are unable think clearly because of their brain development. If you add the knowledge of the hormone oxytocin, you will unmistakably see why dating before adulthood is lethal. Oxytocin is also known as the “love hormone.” Oxytocin is the hormone that plays a huge role in lifetime bonding. It is why romantic and family relationships are so strong. Oxytocin is released from the pituitary gland when people hug, kiss, cuddle, dance, or hold hands. It can be released when kind words or acts are done to you. Large amounts are released during sex, childbirth, and when a mother nurses her children, making the bond even stronger. Oxytocin makes people more sympathetic, supportive, and open with their feelings.

The problem with having a strong bond with someone you are not going to be committed to for life is that it can be devastating if it is broken. The fear of the bond being broken can cause people to do things that are not good and even harmful. The stronger and deeper the bond, the more willing people are to do things they do not really want to do. Some examples are: Girls are so bonded to a guy that they will give in to having sexual relations. What started as a hug moves on to cuddling, kissing, fondling, and then intercourse. ~ Girls will not leave an abusive relationship because of the strong connection that has been created. How can you tell a young couple to turn off their feelings and the bonding that takes place? You cannot. God intended those feelings to lead to a “one flesh” relationship. Breaking up with multiple partners builds walls that can harm the connection and oneness when a couple does get married.

The above information explains why the depression and suicide rates increase for sexually active teenagers. They become depressed when they give in to sex, but wanted to be a virgin on their wedding night. Teens become depressed and even suicidal when a relationship is broken. It explains why there is so much teenage drama that goes along with dating and breakups. That bond does not just go away when there is a breakup. It is devastating when you have a strong bond with someone and you see them with someone else. Children cannot see past tomorrow and will use negative coping strategies or even take their lives to try to deal with the pain because they cannot picture life without that person. It has also been shown that children who are dating do poorer in school.

Our children must be taught that they need to wait until they are ready for marriage and know what to look for in a spouse to make sure they are getting a responsible lifetime partner and not someone who they will be miserable with. They need to know that it is not even good to hug, kiss, or hold hands because that touch begins the bonding process. They need to understand the bonding process and the importance of bonding with one person for life. There is no way to know at 11, 13, 15, or 17 if a person will be committed to God and be faithful to his family. It is almost impossible at that age for them to turn off feelings and stop the relationship from going too far. During those years, instead of them dating, we need to be teaching them what to look for in a spouse and how to be a good spouse and parent if the Lord blesses them with children.

What are some things that you can do to encourage our young people to wait to date?

  • Pay attention to shows and movies that encourage teenage dating and do not allow your children to watch them
  • Share this information with your children and any other young people you might know
  • Think about if school dances and proms are actually a good idea or if they encourage young relationships
  • Share this information with other parents
  • Think about how many STI’s and abortions can be prevented
  • Start having talks about what to look for in a spouse and about the responsibilities that go along with marriage and parenting. My book is filled with examples in this area. Go to to get your signed copy today.
  • It’s time we start protecting our youth instead of leading them to the slaughter


On a side note, this knowledge of oxytocin helps us to see the importance of physical touch in order to stay bonded to those we love. Parents need good physical touch with their children. Married couples need to go deeper to keep the “one flesh” bond alive and strong. Go hug, hold, kiss, and cuddle those you love. Married couples, go to bed together and enjoy your “bonding time.”

Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family ~ Part II ~ “Sex Just Another Activity”

Sex is not just another activity. God created sex to be a wonderful, exciting bond between a husband and a wife. When that bond is shared with another, it dulls the electrifying connection between the couple. God created a space where no one else should enter in. In Genesis 2:24 God instructed man and woman to leave mom and dad and become one flesh. They should be one flesh in mind and body. When it comes to sexual pleasure, your heart, mind, and eyes should only see your spouse. Anything else is not God’s design and causes separation and pain. The marriage bed is a safe place to be enjoyed. God is clear that the sexual relationship outside of the marriage bed is dangerous. Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” The American culture is a prime example of the truth behind this verse.

Before the 1960’s and the Hippie Movement, the family unit as described in the Bible (Husband + Wife + Children) was highly valued. The man took great pride in being responsible to take care of his family. He was the leader and provider. The woman took pleasure in walking alongside of her husband to make sure that the family’s needs were being met. When sacrifice for and the best interest of the family was put in the forefront, the home ran with love and unity. When selfishness was the motivating factor, things did not work out well. Sex outside of the marriage bed was called what it was ~ SIN. Abortions were rare and unheard of. Family was there for each other. The family unit was a powerful bond.

Satan did not like the power, love, and unity that came from a strong family unit. In order to destroy the family, he had to attack the powerful, connecting bond between a husband and wife. If he could weaken and destroy that bond, he could destroy the family. Satan would use the Hippie Movement of the 1960’s to get the ball rolling.

The Hippie Movement was all about free love and sexual liberation. They had a “if it feels good, do it” attitude, yet they had very little thought or concern for the consequences of their actions. They had no problem having multiple sexual partners or having sexual relations outside of the marriage bed. Sin may be enjoyable for a time, but it will take you further than you want to go and cost you more than you want to pay. Where has this “free love” attitude taken us and what has it cost us? Here are some statistics:

  • Abortions went from approx. 300 a year in the early 60’s to approx 1.3 million a year. Over 50 MILLION babies have been killed. “Free love” has not been free; instead, it has cost many people their lives.
  • In the US in the year 2000, an estimated 8 million cases of sexually transmitted infections occurred in fifteen- to twenty-four-year-olds. (This is just one year) (1
  • Sexually transmitted infections kill, cause infertility, cause death and blindness to offspring, causes depression and a feeling of uncleanness or regret.
  • Sexually active girls are three times more likely to be depressed and three times more likely to have attempted suicide as virgins; sexually active boys are twice as likely to be depressed and eight times as likely to have attempted suicide as virgins. (2
  • In the 1970’s there were approximately 3 million single family homes; today there are over 10 million. (3
  • Many people do not even get married and of those who do marry, about 50% end in divorce. It seems that the kids suffer the most.

It saddens my heart that sex has become such a lustful, selfish act that a young girl could be unmercifully raped and people think it is so funny and normal that they take videos and walk away not even caring about the girl being violated. Where has our society gone?

I believe it is time for our country to take a stand to protect our young ladies and their offspring from the pain, sorrow, and death that is resulting from sex outside of the marriage bed. It is time to encourage our young people to wait to date until they are ready for marriage. It is time for our girls to take a stand and say, “I will no longer be used, abused, and tossed away like a dirty rag. I will wait until I am someone’s treasure.”  It is time for our guys to say, “I will not abuse or use a girl. I will wait to date until I am ready to take on the responsibility of raising my family and treating my wife like the treasure she is.” In my next blog, I will be sharing why it is so important for young people to wait to date until they are ready for marriage.

1) McIlhaney, Joe S., Jr., MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD: Girls Uncovered, pg. 36; Copyright 2011:  Northfield Publishing, Chicago

2) McIlhaney, Joe S., Jr., MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD: Girls Uncovered, pg. 69; Copyright 2011: Northfield Publishing, Chicago

3) American Association of  Christian Counselors; Caring For Teens God’s Way