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Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family ~ Part VI ~ “You’re JUST a Stay-at-Home Mom?”

First, I want to say that this blog is not to put down the mothers who work for whatever reason. The purpose of this blog is to give the women who choose and are able to stay home to raise their children encouragement and to let them know that their job is of GREAT worth.

We live in a society where many people think more is better and where what you do for a living defines who you are. Because of that, women frequently go to work to buy the extras or so they can tell others, “Look at what I do.” The children are usually the ones who suffer. Often, women who want to make their career being a wife and mother are made to feel dumb, like homemaking is not rewarding, or that they are being taken advantage of. This could be further from the truth.

There are many wonderful reasons why it is good when a mother chooses to stay home. She is able to talk, teach, and train her children in the way they should go. Because she is with them throughout the day, she is able to take advantage of the teachable moments that come along and know that the values that she and her husband desire to be passed down to their children are being taught. She has more control over the influences that come into her children’s lives, especially in the formative years. When your children are being past to and fro, consistency with your belief & discipline systems become very hard to maintain.

Another advantage is that her children have a constant attachment where they can go when they need wisdom or are in trouble. Research has shown that children who have good attachment bonds are more emotional & socially stable and can have healthier brain connectors. One of the reasons for this is that she has the time to train her children in good social skills and when they are struggling with their feelings, she is able to walk them through what to do with their emotions. (Note: If you do not know how to teach your children to handle their emotions, my book has many ideas what to do and say for a number of emotions. Building Strong Families also offers free classes concerning emotions and what to do with them.)

It can be very stressful for the whole family when women who work try to juggle or split household chores, homework, sick children, etc. Being a stay-at-home mom, allows more rest for everyone. Not having to juggle everything after a long day of work allows for more relaxation and family time. Instead of doing chores, the family can spend time relaxing, playing, and ministering together.

Our children need more adults who are willing and have the time to talk, teach, and train them in the way they should go. Moms, your job can be overwhelming and unappreciated at times, but it does not go unnoticed. The time and energy you invest in your children will bring back great dividends to our society as a whole. God uses the family as the foundation that holds life together. Keep up the good work! Your job is so important!!!! Do not let anyone make you feel that what you do is any less important than what they do. May God bless you for what you do.

By: Linda Svacha 🙂

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Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family ~ Part V ~ “Men Should Not Be Head of Household”

The problem is not that God appointed man to be the head of the household; the problem is what man has done with his role of being husband and father. God created mankind to glorify and have fellowship with Him. God created the earth and prepared it so people would have everything they needed to survive and enjoy their fellowship with God.  God gave Adam the responsibility to have dominion over His creation and made him a helper. They were to become one flesh with the same goals. Together, they were to have children and raise them to glorify God. The problem started when they took their eyes off of glorifying God and sought their own gain. Whenever man takes his eyes off of glorifying God and makes it about him, there is trouble.

I once heard an example worth sharing. God took woman from man’s side. He did not take her from his head to rule over him or from his feet to be his doormat. God took woman from man’s side so they can walk side by side in what God has called them to do. Marriage is to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church. Ephesians 5:25-32 tells husbands that they are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ gave His life so He could present His bride without spot or wrinkle. His life on earth was always sacrificial. His love is so great for us that we willingly trust and submit to His leadership. The same is to hold true with the husband. He is to love and sacrifice for his wife and family so that he is able to present them to the Lord holy and without blemish. When the husband places his wife and family above himself, the wife is able to lovingly submit to his leadership because she knows that he has her best interest at heart.

Many men took their leadership and turned it into a power trip. They took Ephesians 5:22-24 out of content using those verses for their own gain instead of seeing that the wife is to submit to their love and sacrifice. Men sought to use women for their own gain and began to treat them like slaves instead of partners. It is hard for a woman to submit when she is being treated like dirt instead of an equal. Women became tired of being treated like slaves and doormats causing them to rebel. Instead of going back to God’s original design where man loved and sacrificed for his family and the wife submitted to his loving leadership, women wanted no part of allowing men to lead. They could do it on their own. The pendulum swung in the other direction.

Many women wanted to take the leadership role and that is what they did. The sad thing is now many young men have no desire to lead and guide their families. Now, many men use women to satisfy their lustful desires with no thought of commitment and responsibility to their families. Why marry a woman when you can use her? If you’re not married and the girl you’re with becomes pregnant, ditch mom and baby and move on to another you can use without commitment or expect hard working people to support your child and its mother. The women and children are usually the ones who suffer most. There are over ten million single family homes in the United States and over one million two hundred thousand babies being murdered every year through abortion. Will the real man please stand up and take on the responsibility of loving, protecting, and taking care of your family? The root is not that the economy is bad; the root is that men need to love and be responsible for their own wife and family.

We need men who will not look at women as sex objects, but will realize that women are a treasure given by God to walk alongside of them to raise a family that will glorify God and/or be used to further His kingdom. We need young men to spend their time becoming all that God created them to be instead of spending their time satisfying self. We need young men who will wait to date until they are ready to leave home and pursue God’s calling, men who will wait until God brings the right person in their lives who will be their helpmate for life. Let us go back to God’s design and have the happy homes that God intended us to have.

Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family ~ Part IV ~ Materialism

One of Satan’s plots is to get people’s eyes off of people and onto things. God’s plan to pass His legacy to the next generation is to have parents talk and teach His commands to their children 24/7. Satan had to come up with ways to stop people from communicating. I believe that attraction to things, two parents working, and television have been some of his greatest tools.

Before WWII, most dads went to work while the moms stayed at home to raise the family. At least one parent was at home when their children needed advice and guidance. People were happy with the basics of life. Television was just coming around; so much time was still spent interacting with the family.

When many men went away to war, women filled their spots in the workforce. When the men came back, lots of women chose to stay working. Personally, I believe that being a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs there is, yet one of the most rewarding. Many women enjoyed not having to “deal” with the kids all day and loved getting money for their work. Families liked the extra money and the things that it could buy. People could have so much more than “just” a home, food, and a decent vehicle. Now, people could have lots of extra toys like boats, pools, extravagant vacations, and the new televisions that were coming out. People started wanting bigger houses and newer cars. They could now afford to get their children in all kinds of extracurricular activities like dancing, gymnastics, and hockey (more time to separate the family).  Television did not help with the pull of materialism as commercials showed people that there was more out there that they could have. The economy was booming, money was to be made, and life “was good.” Was it really good or were we setting the family up to fall apart?

Television started to become much more popular. People began to spend hours watching television instead of talking. Television, instead of parents and other adults began talking and influencing the next generation. Do you really want your children becoming like those on TV? Today, the average American spends approximately 28 hours a week watching television. Can you imagine if families were spending that time talking about life and the issues of today?  Both parents were working to pay for all the “things” that money could buy. Parents showered the children with “things.” Parents were so caught up in buying their children things and giving them all their hearts desired that it left no one around for the children to connect to. Parents were busy working, shopping, and running their family from this activity to that activity. No time was left for children to stay connected to their parents when they needed their parents the most (when the frontal lobe where abstract thinking takes place). I suggest if you have not yet read my blog on brain development, you would do so now https://livingforhimllc.wordpress.com/?s=brain+development . Between the ages of twelve to twenty-four is when youth need adult guidance the most, yet by that age they are so disconnect from adults they turn to friends who are no better off to help them sort though the issues of life.

Did all those “things” that money had to buy bring happiness? Doesn’t look like it to me. Suicide has almost tripled since the 1960’s for youth ages 15-24. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people from 15-24, behind accidents and homicide. In Macomb, Oakland and Wayne counties, nearly 30 people younger than 18 have committed suicide since the beginning of 2012 (www.wzzm13.com).

I believe it is time that we reconnect with our youth! Let’s turn off the television with all its garbage and spend time once again teaching, talking, training, and playing with our children. Let’s downsize if necessary so that there is a parent there to talk to their children about the many issues they will face as a teenager and a young adult. Rather than buy your children “things,” take them out into the community to be there for those in need. Bake banana bread with your children and take it over to welcome the new neighbor in town. Go bring lunch to a shut-in. Nothing brings more joy to an elderly person than children. Give your children purpose as they watch lives touched by their generosity. Sit down and talk to your children about life. Help them see the reality of young dating, drinking parties, and premarital sex. Let’s do something to save our younger generation.

You don’t know what to say to your children or how to stay connected? The book I’ve written, Pass God’s Legacy to Your Children: One Talk at a Time, can help you with that. It helps you understand how to stay attached to your children through the turbulent years and is filled with actual talks about every subject you can think of. The book teaches you how to start teaching your children what to do with their emotions when they are very young. To order your signed copy today, go to www.livingforhimllc.us

I also teach free classes through Building Strong Families, Inc. that help parents reconnect and/or stay connected to their children. To find out more information about the classes offered, go to www.buildingstrongfamilies.us

Let’s start today to be there for and make a difference in our young people lives!! They are our future.

Hebrews 13:5 let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family ~ Part III ~ “Kids Dating is Cute and Innocent”

A kid dating is not cute and innocent. Allowing children to date before they are ready to get married sets them up for failure. I hope that today’s blog will help you see why it is important to discourage dating until boys are ready to take on the responsibility of a family and girls are ready to take on the responsibilities of being a wife and very possibly a mother. In today’s blog, I will cover brain development and attachment hormones and how they relate to our youth.

If you have not read my blog, Brain Development, posted 3/24/12, now would be a good time to read it. Knowing that the frontal lobe, where critical-thinking (which helps us see the consequences to our actions) and problem-solving takes place, does not even begin to develop until between the ages of 12 to 15, we can clearly see that our youth are not ready to handle the powerful emotions that go along with a romantic relationship. Abstract, critical-thinking and problem-solving are learned skills. Until the brain has matured and children are taught how to think past the moment, they will respond according to their emotions. Many adults still respond to their emotions because they were never taught the purpose of emotions and what to do with them. (For more information on emotions, feel free to read the blogs I’ve written concerning emotions)

We can see that children are unable think clearly because of their brain development. If you add the knowledge of the hormone oxytocin, you will unmistakably see why dating before adulthood is lethal. Oxytocin is also known as the “love hormone.” Oxytocin is the hormone that plays a huge role in lifetime bonding. It is why romantic and family relationships are so strong. Oxytocin is released from the pituitary gland when people hug, kiss, cuddle, dance, or hold hands. It can be released when kind words or acts are done to you. Large amounts are released during sex, childbirth, and when a mother nurses her children, making the bond even stronger. Oxytocin makes people more sympathetic, supportive, and open with their feelings.

The problem with having a strong bond with someone you are not going to be committed to for life is that it can be devastating if it is broken. The fear of the bond being broken can cause people to do things that are not good and even harmful. The stronger and deeper the bond, the more willing people are to do things they do not really want to do. Some examples are: Girls are so bonded to a guy that they will give in to having sexual relations. What started as a hug moves on to cuddling, kissing, fondling, and then intercourse. ~ Girls will not leave an abusive relationship because of the strong connection that has been created. How can you tell a young couple to turn off their feelings and the bonding that takes place? You cannot. God intended those feelings to lead to a “one flesh” relationship. Breaking up with multiple partners builds walls that can harm the connection and oneness when a couple does get married.

The above information explains why the depression and suicide rates increase for sexually active teenagers. They become depressed when they give in to sex, but wanted to be a virgin on their wedding night. Teens become depressed and even suicidal when a relationship is broken. It explains why there is so much teenage drama that goes along with dating and breakups. That bond does not just go away when there is a breakup. It is devastating when you have a strong bond with someone and you see them with someone else. Children cannot see past tomorrow and will use negative coping strategies or even take their lives to try to deal with the pain because they cannot picture life without that person. It has also been shown that children who are dating do poorer in school.

Our children must be taught that they need to wait until they are ready for marriage and know what to look for in a spouse to make sure they are getting a responsible lifetime partner and not someone who they will be miserable with. They need to know that it is not even good to hug, kiss, or hold hands because that touch begins the bonding process. They need to understand the bonding process and the importance of bonding with one person for life. There is no way to know at 11, 13, 15, or 17 if a person will be committed to God and be faithful to his family. It is almost impossible at that age for them to turn off feelings and stop the relationship from going too far. During those years, instead of them dating, we need to be teaching them what to look for in a spouse and how to be a good spouse and parent if the Lord blesses them with children.

What are some things that you can do to encourage our young people to wait to date?

  • Pay attention to shows and movies that encourage teenage dating and do not allow your children to watch them
  • Share this information with your children and any other young people you might know
  • Think about if school dances and proms are actually a good idea or if they encourage young relationships
  • Share this information with other parents
  • Think about how many STI’s and abortions can be prevented
  • Start having talks about what to look for in a spouse and about the responsibilities that go along with marriage and parenting. My book is filled with examples in this area. Go to livingforhimllc.us to get your signed copy today.
  • It’s time we start protecting our youth instead of leading them to the slaughter

 

On a side note, this knowledge of oxytocin helps us to see the importance of physical touch in order to stay bonded to those we love. Parents need good physical touch with their children. Married couples need to go deeper to keep the “one flesh” bond alive and strong. Go hug, hold, kiss, and cuddle those you love. Married couples, go to bed together and enjoy your “bonding time.”

Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family ~ Part II ~ “Sex Just Another Activity”

Sex is not just another activity. God created sex to be a wonderful, exciting bond between a husband and a wife. When that bond is shared with another, it dulls the electrifying connection between the couple. God created a space where no one else should enter in. In Genesis 2:24 God instructed man and woman to leave mom and dad and become one flesh. They should be one flesh in mind and body. When it comes to sexual pleasure, your heart, mind, and eyes should only see your spouse. Anything else is not God’s design and causes separation and pain. The marriage bed is a safe place to be enjoyed. God is clear that the sexual relationship outside of the marriage bed is dangerous. Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” The American culture is a prime example of the truth behind this verse.

Before the 1960’s and the Hippie Movement, the family unit as described in the Bible (Husband + Wife + Children) was highly valued. The man took great pride in being responsible to take care of his family. He was the leader and provider. The woman took pleasure in walking alongside of her husband to make sure that the family’s needs were being met. When sacrifice for and the best interest of the family was put in the forefront, the home ran with love and unity. When selfishness was the motivating factor, things did not work out well. Sex outside of the marriage bed was called what it was ~ SIN. Abortions were rare and unheard of. Family was there for each other. The family unit was a powerful bond.

Satan did not like the power, love, and unity that came from a strong family unit. In order to destroy the family, he had to attack the powerful, connecting bond between a husband and wife. If he could weaken and destroy that bond, he could destroy the family. Satan would use the Hippie Movement of the 1960’s to get the ball rolling.

The Hippie Movement was all about free love and sexual liberation. They had a “if it feels good, do it” attitude, yet they had very little thought or concern for the consequences of their actions. They had no problem having multiple sexual partners or having sexual relations outside of the marriage bed. Sin may be enjoyable for a time, but it will take you further than you want to go and cost you more than you want to pay. Where has this “free love” attitude taken us and what has it cost us? Here are some statistics:

  • Abortions went from approx. 300 a year in the early 60’s to approx 1.3 million a year. Over 50 MILLION babies have been killed. “Free love” has not been free; instead, it has cost many people their lives.
  • In the US in the year 2000, an estimated 8 million cases of sexually transmitted infections occurred in fifteen- to twenty-four-year-olds. (This is just one year) (1
  • Sexually transmitted infections kill, cause infertility, cause death and blindness to offspring, causes depression and a feeling of uncleanness or regret.
  • Sexually active girls are three times more likely to be depressed and three times more likely to have attempted suicide as virgins; sexually active boys are twice as likely to be depressed and eight times as likely to have attempted suicide as virgins. (2
  • In the 1970’s there were approximately 3 million single family homes; today there are over 10 million. (3
  • Many people do not even get married and of those who do marry, about 50% end in divorce. It seems that the kids suffer the most.

It saddens my heart that sex has become such a lustful, selfish act that a young girl could be unmercifully raped and people think it is so funny and normal that they take videos and walk away not even caring about the girl being violated. Where has our society gone?

I believe it is time for our country to take a stand to protect our young ladies and their offspring from the pain, sorrow, and death that is resulting from sex outside of the marriage bed. It is time to encourage our young people to wait to date until they are ready for marriage. It is time for our girls to take a stand and say, “I will no longer be used, abused, and tossed away like a dirty rag. I will wait until I am someone’s treasure.”  It is time for our guys to say, “I will not abuse or use a girl. I will wait to date until I am ready to take on the responsibility of raising my family and treating my wife like the treasure she is.” In my next blog, I will be sharing why it is so important for young people to wait to date until they are ready for marriage.

1) McIlhaney, Joe S., Jr., MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD: Girls Uncovered, pg. 36; Copyright 2011:  Northfield Publishing, Chicago

2) McIlhaney, Joe S., Jr., MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD: Girls Uncovered, pg. 69; Copyright 2011: Northfield Publishing, Chicago

3) American Association of  Christian Counselors; Caring For Teens God’s Way

Satan’s Plot to Destroy the Family

God created man to have fellowship with Him. Satan’s goal is to destroy that fellowship and everything that God said was good. When God was finished creating the earth and everything in it, He saw that it was very good. God placed man in the Garden of Eden to tend and keep it. God saw it was not good that man was alone so He took a rib from Adam and created Eve to be Adam’s helper. They were to become one flesh. Together they were to be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, and they were to have dominion over the fish, birds, and every living thing that moves on the earth. God had a perfect design. Life was good and fellowship with God was sweet.

Satan did not like what God had done and set out to destroy. Satan deceived Adam and Eve to go against God. What happened after that was not good. At that moment, death, pain, sorrow, and tears entered the world. Satan continues to draw people away from God and an abundant life using lies and deception.

Satan knows how powerful the family unit can be and it is his goal to destroy it. God created man and woman to have fellowship with Him and as the means to carry out His plan of procreation. God also uses the husband/wife relationship to pass His legacy down to the next generation. When the family unit is run God’s way, it works. When a man takes on the responsibility to love, care for, and nurture his family, life is good. He cannot do that all on his own so God designed a helpmate to help him with that task. Selflessly, they are to come together with the same goals so the family can be all God created them to be.

The following are some ways that Satan has deceived people in order to destroy the family:

  • Tear apart God’s design for authority in the family
    • God gave man the responsibility to love, care for, and nurture his family. Man was to sacrifice his wants and desires to benefit the family. He was to lead his family in a way that would bring honor and glory to God’s name. His home was to be a safe haven where love and sacrifice abounded. Satan deceived man to take his position of authority and use it for his gain instead taking care of his family. As a result, women were stepped on and torn down. When they got tired of being treated like dirt, they rebelled. I believe the feminist movement came out of being mistreated by men. Man being the head of the household was/is not the problem; the problem was/is man’s abuse of his position. We need men who will step up to the plate and take seriously that it is their job to provide for, love, and take care of their families.
    • God designed for parents to train and teach their children about Him and His commands. Satan has done everything in his power to undermine the authority of parents. Satan has gotten our country in a place where parents are too busy (two parents working, sports, TV, etc) to talk, teach, and train their children and has replaced them with “things” that are talking, teaching, and training children to do and be everything that goes against God. Children are being deceived left and right. Parents are trying to stop the rebellion by just controlling the behavior. Parents need to get back to talking, teaching, and training their children.
  • Make the sexual union just an activity  
    • God designed sex as a way to keep His creation going.  In Genesis Chapter Two, God created man male and female, blessed them, and instructed them to be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. A male and a male or a female and a female cannot multiply. God’s ideal is that a man and woman come together in love and that love produces children. Those children are a part of each of them and together they are to raise them to love and honor the Lord.
    • The “Free love” movement started in the 1960’s and has played a huge part in breaking down the incredible bond that a one-and-only relationship can have. We see this movement has caused men to be irresponsible when it comes to raising their own children. It has caused men to look at women as sex objects instead of a treasure to be gotten and kept. Women have been used and tossed away like dirty rags.
    • Sex is a wonderful, powerful gift from God. A pure, intimate relationship is filled with love, joy, and great satisfaction. It is a safe place where two people become so entwined that nothing can tear them apart. God designed sex to be part of the way a man and women become one flesh physically, emotionally, and spiritually. God tells us in Hebrews 13:4 that the marriage bed is honorable and undefiled. Sex outside of the marriage bed will be judged.
  • Allow others to take over the responsibilities that were given to the parents

I believe it is very important to have people walk alongside the family to help pass along good values and ethics. The problem is when you have too many people stepping in, your children end up being taught things that go against what you are trying to teach them and confusion sets in.

For example:

  • Children go to schools where not only is God not welcome, children are often taught things that go against God’s ways and commands. Many schools undermine the parents.
  • Often, parents expect the church to be the ones to be responsible to pass God’s legacy to the next generation. The church has your children a couple hours a week. Deuteronomy Chapter Six is clear that it is the parents’ job to pass God’s legacy to their children 24/7. We see with 80% of kids leaving the church after youth group that we need parents who will teach and talk about God everyday in their homes.
  • Children are having children and expecting the grandparents to take on the responsibility that is meant for the parents.
  • Boys are getting girls pregnant and walking away from their responsibilities and expecting the government to take on what they should be doing.

As Christians, we need to wake up and fight against the attacks of Satan. Where do we start? What can we do? I will discuss in future blogs what can be done to strengthen the family once again. Feel free to share other ways that you feel Satan is attacking the family.

Parenting Styles

We know that the goal of most parents is to teach their children to be respectful, responsible adults. That does not just happen. Good parenting takes a lot of work and planning. It takes a lot of TIME (a four letter word that a lot of parents do not want to hear). High-quality parenting may mean that parents have to sacrifice that television show or that night out. I’m not saying that you can never do those things, but if you are not there to talk and teach, who or what is? Are you willing to give up some things so that you can spend more time teaching and training your children?

There are different styles of parenting and only one gets the above results. Before I go over the styles, I want to review some things that I talked about in previous blogs. In Deuteronomy 6:6, God told parents to TEACH His commands to their children and TALK about them throughout the whole day. Proverbs 22:6 says to TRAIN a child in the way he should go. As I list the different facts about each style, ask yourself which one involves teaching, talking, and training. Diana Baumrind gave each style a name. I renamed them to make them easier to remember. My name is in parentheses.

Permissive/Neglectful (Whatever):

  • Allow their children to do basically what they want
  • Try to be more of a friend than parents
  • Do not sit down and give any real guidance
  • Usually conflict avoidant
  • They enable wrong behavior by bailing their children out of the consequences that go along with the behavior
  • They do not have good parenting skills
  • Teens usually make a lot of poor choices
  • Parents can have either a good or a poor relationship with their children

 Authoritarian (Military):

  • Rule based ~ High expectations of conformity ~ Demanding
  • Say things like, “It’s my way or the highway.” “Do it because I said so!”
  • Parents are not willing to explain the rules and boundaries
  • Parents do not offer much emotional support
  • Show conditional love and are not there to walk alongside their children when they make a mistake
  • Parents are not willing to get to the root of why their children think the way they do
  • They get an attitude if their children disagree with them
  • Parents usually have a poor relationship with their children
  • Children rebel against what parents want them to do

Authoritative (Teaching):

  • Give their children the right amount of rules and support
  • Expressing feelings and disagreements in a respectful manner are allowed and encouraged
  • Explain and discuss the rules and why they are in place
  • They listen to their children’s hearts ~ have empathy
  • Allow their children to make choices
  • Do not bail their children out of consequences of wrong choices, yet walk alongside them to help them learn from their mistakes
  • Parents show love to their children even when they are rebelling
  • Make their children feel loved instead of a burden
  • A relationship with their children is top priority (doesn’t mean they let them do what they want)
  • Children learn to problem-solve and make wise choices

You can see that Teaching parents spend a lot of time working with their children doing just what God commanded them to do, TEACH, TALK, and TRAIN. Start building a good relationship with your children. Spend good quality time together. When you do things together, there are always lessons to learn. Look for ways to encourage good behavior. Teaching your children how to make wise decisions does not just happen, it is taught. Give your children choices, talk about the pros and cons of those choices, and then let them decide. (Note: Do not allow them to do things that can harm them.) Love them and walk alongside them when they make mistakes, yet let them suffer consequences. Yes, being the Teaching parents takes a lot of time and work, but your investment will pay good dividends.

By: Linda Svacha:)